In August 2009, the U.S. Department of Education announced opportunities for states and local educational agencies to vie for $3.5 billion in Title I School Improvement Grants targeted at turning around or closing down chronically low-achieving schools. To qualify for a portion of these funds, school districts were required to implement one of four remedies at schools where students chronically demonstrated poor academic performance. Evidence is provided showing that the mandated interventions are highly speculative, minimally effective, and overly restrictive.