The article presents an integrated theoretical perspective on the origin, maintenance and alteration of relational conflict. It suggests that relational conflict and reconciliation can be understood as two behavioral alternatives that couples respond with during the experience of pain or other negative emotion. The presence of pain elicits a defensive reaction that encourages a perpetuation of the conflict process; or it encourages a demonstration of grace and justice that can permit relationships to be a healing agent. The components of the relational conflict cycle and the relational reconciliation cycle are explained. (Contains 1 figure.)