This paper examines the quality and development of relations between organisations and the ways in which these are informed by incidental learning experiences in two projects. The paper conceptualizes instances of inter-organisational learning (IOL) applying theories such as principal-agent, prisoners' dilemma and women's place in community development. The main results are (a) that IOL can be used to maintain and modify relations of control and dominance in partnership hierarchies; (b) that IOL serves as a spin-off of horizontal relationships and can be increased or reduced in the competition between partners for resources and identity; and (c) that IOL at the community level, when delivering outsiders' intervention, can be promoted by involving local authorities and operating within the existing household hierarchy. The paper shows that the influential role of individuals, beyond organisational boundaries, becomes critical through social networks and the establishment of trust-based relations and resistance to learning as consequences of personal conflict. However, structural constraints in the aid system, such as asymmetric access to resources, expertise, knowledge, status and networks, ultimately determine the quality of funding management schemes and the emergence of an environment that stimulates mutual individual learning, which in turn may lead to organisational learning and inter-organisational learning. (Contains 1 figure, 1 table and 7 notes. A List of Transcripts is appended.) [Funding for this article was provided by the Japan Foundation Endowment Committee.]