Purpose: This study aims to examine the lived experiences of a beginning teacher to understand the constraints and possibilities she faces in moving from a critically minded preservice teacher toward a critical educator during her first year of teaching secondary English Language Arts at a public high school in the Southwestern USA. Design/methodology/approach: This research was conducted as a qualitative case study. The data set was collected through interviews, documents and observations. Data were analyzed inductively using open coding techniques and grounded theory in order to establish themes. Findings: The research describes three themes: losing a sense of self, losing hope and losing sight. These themes explore in order to illustrate the participant's sense of loss, the disconnect between her stated beliefs and practice and how contextual factors contribute to her experiences. Practical implications: The paper includes recommendations for teacher induction and undergraduate initial teacher education. Originality/value: This research contributes to the literature about beginning teachers and their challenges to realize their stated beliefs in practice. It extends this body of literature with a specific focus on criticality and an exploration of how the current corporate reform paradigm impacts beginning teachers and how these topics can be taken up in teacher education.