How can a musician maintain her sense of self in quarantine, a self that is constructed by intertwined strands of creativity, performativity, and relationship? The hiatus brought about during the pandemic has created a lack for musicians and music educators, an absence or loss of professional identity and personal meaning. On March 12, 2020, we found ourselves shut out of the classroom and barred from the performance stage. Over the course of a year, we two musician-educators engaged in duoethnography as a way of documenting our experiences. It became a site where we could provide each other with a "destabalizing lens" (Sawyer & Norris, 2016) to the metanarratives that both drove our sense of identity and constrained our ability to find our way to a new state of balance. This duoethnography traces our paths, as we moved through stages of distance and loss, and stages of simulacra and performativity, during the time of pandemic.