I problematize my first semester in a PhD program using autoethnographic methodology drawing from my perspective as a Black feminist scholar as well as give suggestions for gaslighting as a theoretical framework for future work on academic socialization. I use Black Feminist Thought to contextualize my analytic memos and journal entries as data to make meaning of my doctoral socialization. In addition, I explain factors of my early experience in a PhD program within the theoretical lens of gaslighting to understand how socialization from the program's directors aligned with the desires of the academy. For this paper, gaslighting as a theory is specific to a form of bullying that I experienced in an academic setting fraught with various organizational safeguards that place accountability on Black women to remedy an unconstructive setting. Specifically, I write to other Black women because understanding my experiences situated within critical theorizations of gaslighting have eased by burden; however, institutional actors within the academy must also read and listen and be genuinely open to radical change.