This essay, a speculative work, suggests that educational encounters of critical theory and pedagogy are today too often hampered by an emerging form of schooled reproduction in which university learners perform critical stances in order to garner recognition rather than for reasons of intellectual or political commitment. It suggests that the performance of these stances contributes to discursive conformity and threatens the vitality of the critical university classroom. It then pursues a strand of argument that considers two emerging, interrelated paradoxes of critical classroom practice, each indicative of how scripted critical stances can function as impediments to resonant educational encounters. The first, referred to as the 'cultural capital paradox', suggests that where expressions of critical theory and pedagogy are prized, a danger lurks that students may perform criticality simply to garner approval. The second, referred to as the 'linguistic formalism paradox', takes up the politics of language usage and positions some of its current contestations as impediments to the sustenance and success of the critical dialogical sphere.