The literature on the male gender role portrays real men as lacking weakness, need, doubt, or any of the "female" values such as sympathy, concern, or empathy. It is contended that Western society develops, reinforces, and maintains gender roles by the emotion shame; many males are motivated in part by an effort to avoid or escape shameful feelings. Shame is basically the felt variation between one's real self and one's idealized self--the feeling of not measuring up. Shame arises in early childhood, before the development of certain language skills, so shame may not be readily accessible to verbally organized adult cognitions. Ironically, certain avoidance behaviors maintain many masculine stereotypes: (1) strong and brave; (2) competitive; (3) emotionally unexpressive; (4) problem solver; (5) isolated; (6) sexual, not sensual; (7) dynamic, decisive, and aggressive; (8) controlling; (9) tough and autonomous. These attributes of "real men" are desirable to some degree but when they are positioned as absolutes and are maintained by shaming and avoidance of shame then these behaviors become dysfunctional and destructive. The author argues for a removal of the limits on behavior and feeling and the re-incorporation of the so called non-male parts back into men's psyches. (RJM)