According to the 2013 report by the National Council on Teacher Quality (NCTQ), most teacher education programs are failing in the United States. These programs, NCTQ insists, are not preparing new teachers with sufficiently 'scientific' methods and are, in the process, failing to properly train prospective teachers how to 'lead the classroom' (p. 2). In the deficit discourses employed by NCTQ, teacher education programs have become a cesspool of 'mediocrity' (p. 1) where the overall findings 'paint a grim picture of teacher preparation in the United States' (p. 17). We actually agree that things are grim, but for very different reasons and in very different spaces. Using NCTQ's 'Teacher Prep Review: A Review of the Nation's Teacher Preparation Program' as an entryway, the authors argue that the report typifies not only an alarmist approach usually found in conservative attempts at social policy and reform, but also further reifies quasi-empirically based research as "the" best (indeed the only) method by which to measure effective teacher education programs. The authors deconstruct the taken-for-granted assumptions within the NCTQ text, challenging quantification as a research/policy paradigm while arguing for the value of newly imagining educational possibility through risk and creation.